Ever since I sat for 4 hours (that's how the story goes in my head) during two different visits to fill a total of 6 cavities when I was 6 years old --6 for 6-- I have hated the dentist's office. All my senses get heightened thinking about it: the funny smells and the drilling, my numb lips and the spittle running down them and me wondering if my mouth will every find it's original shape again. Every time after, I literally started to panic when I sat in the chair. Oh that chair, where I so hated to be but under the careful watch of my mother's glare that said, "I told you not to eat all of that candy," I did not dare to move. It was a small and short imprisonment: punishment for the sweet life.
So recently I heard the dreaded news: judged and found guilty once again with the sentence of one needle poking, drill smelling, hose sucking afternoon. I thought I might make a run for it, but the hard truth about being an adult is, you can't run from you. You can't even subtly walk away. So I put on my big girl pants and went to do my time.
For many years now, I have been practicing some sort of morning routine to get me centered and when I miss it, the poo hits at varying degrees. Meditation is usually a part of that routine. Well the day I put on my big girl pants and went to do my time at the dentist's, I didn't get my morning routine in. I felt scattered and off my game and in no way in the right head space to face the chair. The true panic started to sit in when I laid back and saw the needle coming towards my mouth. I kept thinking, "Why didn't I meditate? Oh how could I screw this up? I knew I was coming to do this and today was the day I absolutely needed to prepare and now I'm stuck." My chest felt tight and I began to get dizzy and as the thoughts came, it got harder and harder not to knock over that stupid silver pan and run out.
Then something I remembered hearing Esther Hicks say came to mind, "if you learn that you can control your emotions by controlling your thoughts, and thus your manifestations that come from those thoughts, well then you never have anything to fear again." I told myself to get ahold of my feelings by getting control over my thoughts. My beliefs about my experience at the dentist was just something I played over and over in my head.
I began talking to myself real gently, saying things like, "Wow, isn't it nice to be an adult and have ownership over my life? I can get up at anytime." My whole body relaxed. And then I said to myself, "Modern dentistry sure has changed and this dentist sure seems to know what he is doing. Everyone here is so friendly and kind and does this all of the time. This dentist has such small hands that he doesn't even stretch my mouth that much...." Then I said, "hey wait, I have Reiki and can calm myself at any time. I'm gonna use it." Though I was already feeling much better, I began doing Reiki on myself in the chair (subtly of course because I didn't want to set off any weirdo alarms).
By the time the procedure was over, I felt completely relaxed and had nearly fallen asleep! I had overcame a major childhood fear armed with just my thoughts and a little bit of Reiki. I walked out of that office feeling invincible (at least for the afternoon) knowing that I could focus my thoughts, thus my emotions, and thus change my experience. I went from hating/fearing something to loving/accepting that same thing. The thing was still the thing, but only I had changed my reaction/thought/feeling of the thing. I found it interesting that in resistance, I felt worse, and in focusing on loving thoughts, I felt better. The better feeling feeling (te he) just grew and grew until it dominated all the fears that I had before. Once my mind calmed down, I was able to remember that I have valuable tools I can use whenever life presents me with unwanted experiences. I walked around the rest of the day saying to myself, "I never have anything to fear again." I am not sure how I will feel on down the road, but this added momentum to a growing feeling of empowerment I have been experiencing off and on. #ontosomethinghere